it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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