There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
