Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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