did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
smell my finger.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
