when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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