question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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