just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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