I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
