her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
