Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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