Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
