she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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