I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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