Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
