There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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