I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
