i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
