Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
