His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
