we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
handjob tips. give me some.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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