you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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