My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
