literally had 100 drinks last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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