To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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