I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
