So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize