Your face is a jimmy john
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
