i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
