Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
