he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
