Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
