i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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