I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
