Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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