i permit you to call me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
