i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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