Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
