I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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