At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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