Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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