Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
