I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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