I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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