Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
