he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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