This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
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