can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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