I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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