so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
