So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
