I think I am morally bankrupt
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
