Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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