I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
