he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
