I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
