dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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