I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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