The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
