Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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