i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
