sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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